We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
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