I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Randomize
