i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize