brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I need to calm my uterus...
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
