I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
