I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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