it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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