wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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