He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
