so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
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This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
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I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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