I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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