the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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