Non-Jews are for practice
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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