she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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