You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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