He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
