Sry I called you an 8
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
