i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
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New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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