I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
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He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
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This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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