they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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