Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize