how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Randomize