I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
