Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
