I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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