so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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