I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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