wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
We are two peas in an std pod
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
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