so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
