youre lurking in front of me
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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