Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
