I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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