So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Blood and glitter go together right?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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