I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
