Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
