there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
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