It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
You ruined the universe
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
