Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Randomize
