Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
