You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
