they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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