I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
