I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
