Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
