very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
