hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
So much rum. So many feels.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
