My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
