Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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