Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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