Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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