I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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