watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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