If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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