Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I am naked and annoyed.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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