so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
