I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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