dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
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I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
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On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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