I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
