Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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