last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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